


Cooking with 3-E

by RandomdudeNo123



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Complete, No shipping.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26628121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomdudeNo123/pseuds/RandomdudeNo123
Summary: After Koro-Sensei announces a group assignment in Home Economics, 3-E does their best to try and cook something edible.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	1. Group 4

Today was the last school day of the month. After today would come the weekend, two days of respite where they would sharpen their blades once again for another attempt at assassination. Unfortunately, the end of the month usually meant the end of Koro-Sensei's budget as well, causing the teacher to scheme up ways to sneak food off everyone. This time, he had just announced his latest assignment in Home Economics: A group project in cooking whatever meal you wanted.

"You just want us to cook you some food!" Exasperated, 3-E responded to this with the usual solution: a roomful of guns aimed at their teacher.

"NYUAAA?! How could my own dear students accuse me of such misdeeds?! All your dear teacher wants for you is to see you all grow up into capable men and women… But, if you ever want to share…" Koro-Sensei's voice trailed off, a steady stream of drool coming out from his lips. Instead of the generous gifts he was clearly expecting, all he received was an intense hail of BB Pellets.  "Fine, fine!" He yelled under the swarm of shots. "We'll make it a potluck!"

* * *

Not long after dismissal, six friends clustered together, discussing this new turn of events. "So, how many of us actually have cooking experience?" Sugino first turned to Kayano, memories of the pudding killsplosion plan coming to mind. "Kayano?"

"I only know how to make pudding. And only the massive recipe." Kayano frowned, crossing her arms. "I don't think we have nearly enough eggs to try that again…"

"I guess that makes sense…” Sugino muttered. “Karma?"

Before the redhead could respond, Nagisa interjected, a wry look on his face. "Karma can’t cook. He's living on a diet of instant noodles and strawberry milk."

"Hey. I also know how to microwave." Karma lamely defended himself, tossing his now empty carton of milk into a nearby wastebin. Not that it changed much, judging by the way everyone was looking at him.

"Figures… Okuda? Kanzaki?"

Both of them glanced at each other for a brief moment, before shaking their own heads. In hindsight, perhaps that should have been obvious. Kanzaki likely had house help cooking for her, and anything Okuda made would have run the risk of contamination. Sighing, Nagisa put his arm on Sugino's shoulder. "Well… Looks like it's just us two."

"Er… More like it's just you."

"What do you mean?"

"I… can't cook either. Never learned how." Awkwardly scratching his head, Sugino smiled apologetically.

"Am I really the only one who knows how to cook among us?" Standing in the midst of the group, Nagisa was becoming acutely aware of how everyone was staring at him. Unconsciously or not, they had surrounded him, leaving him no possible escape routes to run from.

"Yep. Which makes you leader by default." Giving him a sarcastic thumbs up, Karma bestowed upon him the symbol of culinary authority: An embarrassingly frilly heart apron. The fact that nobody was even protesting at this sudden turn of events was worrying Nagisa greatly. "All right, Nagisa-Sensei. Let's see what culinary masterpieces we're making tomorrow."

* * *

In the end, they had settled on cooking a simple stew. Cheap, easy, and supposedly difficult to mess up.  _ Plus, you can't burn soup,  _ the beleaguered chef thought to himself. Sighing in exhaustion, Nagisa dropped the massive pot over the stovetops. It had been a thoroughly exasperating journey, but at least all that was left now was to heat the soup. Exhausted, Nagisa went over some of the more… Interesting memories that had occurred.

* * *

_ "Do you actually know how to cut a tomato?" _

_ "Nope." Twirling his knife confidently, Karma held his look of smug confidence. "But I know how to cut a person. Surely tomatoes are easier, right?" Grinning madly, he promptly stabbed the tomato, and was immediately rewarded with a splattering of tomato juice. _

* * *

_ "Poison the soup? Are you sure?" _

_ "K-Koro-Sensei has to eat the soup to grade it… It's the perfect chance!" _

_ "Okuda, it's a potluck… We'd be poisoning everyone else if we poisoned the soup." _

* * *

_ "You don't need to constantly adjust the stove, you know… You can just leave it on medium." _

_ Kanzaki shook her head, constantly fiddling with the stovetop like it was a dangerous experiment. "Trust me, I've played cooking games back when I was 5. If you don't adjust the flames constantly, the food's going to burn." _

_ "It's just a pot of water?!" _

* * *

Nagisa let out an exasperated sigh. Next time a group project was at hand, he was going to have to find saner classmates. On the bright side, at least he would never have to go through that ever again. Taking one last look at the pot, he wearily exited the kitchen to rest until the second batch of vegetables were to be added.

Suddenly, a remembrance flashed through his mind.  _ I forgot to add the pepper!  _ In all the chaos, small details like that had completely slipped his mind. Mentally facepalming, Nagisa ran back in, only to be met by the strangest sight. Hunched over the pot like a strange goblin, Kayano stood alarmingly close to the soup pot. Clutched in her hands was a jar of sugar, white dust shimmering in the light. "Kayano, what are you doing?"

"Adding the sugar. Why?" She looked at him like he had just asked why the sky was blue.

"Kayano, the soup isn't supposed to taste sweet. You don't need to add sugar." Before she could protest, Nagisa had already snatched the jar from her hands. Setting it back down on the shelf, he quickly shooed her out of the room. Swiftly, he tossed in a few pinches of salt and pepper. Placing the condiments back on the shelves, he turned to leave, only to see Sugino blocking the doorway.

"Hey, Nagisa… About the seasoning…"

"Yeah?"

"Mom used up all of it… There isn't any left." Holding the empty tin can as proof, Sugino tossed it into a wastebin on the other side of the room. "Sorry about that. Maybe we can go without it?"

For a brief moment, Nagisa wondered how Muramatsu handled this every day. "I'll go get some more. Just keep an eye on everyone, OK?" Darting out, he hustled off to go get some more seasoning.

* * *

Wiping tomato juice out of her lenses, Okuda stumbled towards the kitchen. After Nagisa had turned down her latest plan, she had busied herself by helping Karma cut up various vegetables. It had certainly been a strange experience, stabbing tomatoes instead of just cutting them. Putting her now clear glasses back on, she blinked twice, letting her eyesight adjust. As her vision cleared, a peculiar sight appeared before her. Hovering over the bubbling soup, Kayano was once again clutching the sugar jar like a madman. “Kayano, what are you doing?”

“Adding sugar to the soup.” Kayano replied, digging into the jar with a tablespoon.

“Uh… I- I don’t think vegetable soup is supposed to be sweet.”

“Well, we’ve never tried, have we?” Kayano hunched over the pot, carelessly flinging in tablespoons of white sugar into the bubbling water. “Maybe it’s really good, and we just don’t know.”

“Kind of like an experiment?”

“Kind of…” A devious glimmer appeared in the sweet tooth’s eye, the hint of an evil plan coming together. “Do you want to lead this experiment?” Okuda visibly brightened, shining with anticipation. Cooking wasn’t an area she was familiar with, and all these extra steps just confused her. Tossing random ingredients into a bubbling pot for the sake of science? Now that was something she could handle. Rushing to the shelves, she had just picked up a promising looking jar when…

“Well, what’s going on here?” Leaning against the doorframe, Karma watched the two girls bustle about the kitchen. 

“An experiment.” Completely unfazed by Karma, Okuda dumped all the sugar into the pot. “We’re going to see if Vegetable Soup tastes better with sugar.”

“Well then…” Dramatically taking a single step into the room, Karma locked eyes with both of them, his smirk glimmering with mischief. Before Kayano could begin panicking, he immediately turned, then leaned back against a convenient wall. “Who am I to stop science?” He waved his hand, motioning for them to continue.

_ That actually worked?! _ Blinking in surprise, Kayano watched as Karma did absolutely nothing to stop them. 

Suddenly, the door was flung open. Holding an old tin in his left hand, Sugino muscled his way into the room. “Hey, Nagisa! Turns out there was some extra seasoning in the… whoa, what’s going on here?”

“An experiment.” All three of them chorused in sync, eyes watched the smoke rise out of the pot. Okuda spoke further, writing down everything she could remember on a notepad she had conjured out of thin air. “W-we’re testing if sweet vegetable soup actually tastes good.” 

“Sweet soup? Well, Koro-sensei does like sweet things… All right, let’s give it a shot!” Enthusiastically, Sugino dropped even more sugar into the boiling water, watching as tomato chunks, lettuce leaves, and other greens were weighed down by the overabundance of sugary dust. Watching as the vegetables slowly sunk into the water, Kayano wondered if perhaps this was too much sugar.  _ No such thing, right? _

The door creaked open again. Absentmindedly playing a game on her phone, Kanzaki wandered into the room. Looking up from the screen, confusion filled her face. Scattered across the room, all 4 of her friends were sitting around, watching the pot as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. “What’s going on here?”

“We’re-” Okuda started, but was quickly interrupted by a red flash.

Leaping from the sidelines like a star athlete, Karma slammed the metal lid back down onto the pot. Without missing a beat, he immediately turned to Kanzaki, mouth curled into an innocent smile. “-finished with the recipe. All we’ve got to do is wait for Nagisa to return.”

“Oh.” Normally, Kanzaki would have just accepted it, but Karma covering something usually meant disaster. Picking up a pot-holder, she gently pulled the lid off. Inside were the vegetables, bobbing to and fro underneath the boiling water.  _ Everything seems fine.  _ She was probably just imagining the panic. “Well, you all did a good job! Let’s just leave it until Nagisa comes back with the seasoning.” Herding them out of the kitchen, Kanzaki spared one last glance at the stainless steel pot. It looked fine.

* * *

Nagisa was surprised at how well things turned out. Returning from the general store a few blocks down, it seemed nothing else had gone horribly wrong when he was away. A quick dash of seasoning into the soup, some brisk stirring, and all that was left now was to taste it. Pouring out a bowl, Nagisa felt as if something terrible was about to happen. “Well then, who wants first taste?”

Almost immidiately, Kayano's hand darted up, only for Karma to bring it back down just as quickly.  “As our fearless leader, it’s only fair that you get to have first taste!” With perhaps more energy than normal, Karma pushed the bowl back towards him. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Okuda watching him intently, a ballpen and paper in hand. Shrugging off a strange sense of dread, Nagisa stirred the bowl of soup. A gentle wisp of steam curled up from the bowl, smelling exactly as a normal soup should smell. But why would it smell any different? They had cooked the stew themselves, so by all logical reasoning, it should be perfectly fine. Delaying no longer, he took a sip.

The first thing Nagisa thought was that it was sweet, much sweeter than he had expected it to be. His first impulse was to spit it out, not because it was unpleasant, but because the taste was so… strange. Vomiting hot soup all over the table was probably a bad idea, though. With a sustained effort, he gulped it down. "It's… got a strange taste. Kayano, could you try it?"

Without hesitation, Kayano took a big gulp of the soup. "Mmm… It's great! It tastes fantastic!"

_ Must be my tastebuds, then… _ Drinking a fresh cup of water to wash away the aftertaste, Nagisa dismissed his concerns. Filling up extra bowls, Nagisa set a serving of the sweet soup out for everyone. "Well, eat up, everyone!"

* * *

Bonus:

In the end, Kayano was the only person who actually enjoyed the food. Nagisa had finished his serving, but this was more due to his sheer willpower than any tastiness the stew might have had. Kanzaki and Okuda had given up half-way, leaving half-empty bowls of sugary vegetables lying in their bowls. Karma had decided that discretion was the better part of valour, sneakily sliding the concoction into the sink when nobody was looking. Sugino would have done the same, but the sink was far too clogged from Karma’s own disposal to try anything.

Half-heartedly stirring the sugary sludge on the bottom of her bowl, Okuda jotted down a few extra observations on her notepad. “Well, I think that’s enough… I guess we can finally draw our conclusion.”

Peeking over her shoulder, Karma looked down on the experiment observations. “Oh? So, what did you conclude?”

“Sugary Soup is terrible.” Taking a vial out from her pocket, she stared at the source of all this trouble: that pot of soup. “Should I poison it now?”

“No need. There’s so much sugar in that thing that it’s deadly enough already. Shaking his head, Karma took the half-empty bowl from her, adding it to the pile of abandoned bowls. “I’m going out to get everyone some real food. I’ll be right back.” Standing up, he couldn’t resist firing one last parting shot. “Make sure Kayano doesn’t finish all the soup, OK? We still have an assassination to carry out.”


	2. Group 2

_ 2:58 _

_ Mushroom Director: so whatre we making for the octopus this time? _

_ Gyaru English: Hm… How about Spaghetti? _

_ Artsy Bean Pole: ??? Never heard of that before. _

_ Gyaru English: Seriously? None of you have ever had spaghetti before? O.O _

_ Gyaru English: It's like, noodles covered in tomato sauce, with parsley on top. It's an Italian dish… Trust me, it tastes much better than it sounds.  _

_ Tsundere Sniper: Well, does anyone have any better ideas? _

_ 5:37 _

_ Gyaru English: All right, great! Trust me, you won't regret it. =) _

* * *

Not long after Nakamura’s brilliant sales pitch, everybody had agreed to gather together to prepare this strange new dish. As with all dishes, the first step of preparation involves actually having ingredients to cook. Back then, the entire class had combed the mountains, scavenging every bit of land for the freshest products they could find. This time, they had gone with the less glamorous option of simply buying from the nearest grocery store.  "Sure, we can’t get the freshest stuff, but who needs it?" Ever so flippantly, Nakamura carelessly flung her hand around, casually gesturing to the open aisles of the grocery store. "We've got everything we need, right here!”

"Except a cookbook." Stalking beside her like an alleycat, Hayami carefully walked with her partner, an annoyed expression on her face. "Wouldn't it be simpler to just buy the sauce?"

"Don't be such a spoilsport! Everyone knows it's more fun when we're trying something new!" A sneaky grin began to bloom on the trickster’s face, a grin Hayami knew well. Sometimes, Nakamura could be sly, masking her true intentions underneath a friendly gesture. This was not one of those moments. 

Unimpressed by her friend’s scheming, Hayami shook her head. "You just want to take embarrassing photos of us failing."

"You know me too well." Patting down the devil horns sprouting on her head, Nakamura’s grin had evolved into a full smirk. "Too bad that's not going to stop me."

"You have fun with that. I'm going to make sure we can pass something edible.” Shutting off the conversation early, Hayami walked away. She was far more likely to get a perfect shot at Koro-Sensei than to convince a scheming Nakamura of anything. During times like these, she found it much simpler to leave and let Nakamura play out her evil schemes.

"Fine, be that way! Spoilsport." Nakamura yelled at the retreating figure, spitefully stuffing more tomatoes into her grocery basket.

* * *

Wiping away the sweat from his brow, Mimura strained the noodles, shaking off water droplets from the pasta. Boiling the spaghetti strands wasn’t anything new to him, since noodles were still noodles. Most of the real difficulties would come from the tomato sauce, which was brand new territory. Dumping it all into a nearby bowl, he glanced over at his nearby companions.

It would have been much easier if he had a simpler partner to work with, like Chiba or Hayami. Instead, both Nakamura and Hayami had taken charge of grocery shopping, and Chiba and Okajima had prepared the ingredients for boiling. His role, along with his teammates, was to boil the sauce. Originally, he and Sugaya had chosen this role because it was the simplest, calmest role there was, making it perfect for doodling and drawing. It should have remained that way too, if it weren’t for their… enthusiastic friend. "All right! If there's one thing years of reading Manga has taught me, it's that you can do ANYTHING as long as you're passionate about it!"

"Yes but… Shouldn't we get a cookbook? Or maybe call Muramatsu for help?" Struggling to keep his balance, Mimura hefted the pot of water onto the unlit stovetops. 

"No! To call for help would be dishonor! Our passion and willpower are all we need to win the cooking competition!" Dramatically raising a knife to the skies, Fuwa grandly posed, the tip of her knife shining proudly. A single chair had been commandeered for her to set a foot on, making her look as if she were a heroic adventurer.

"Fuwa, it's not a contest-" 

"ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT!" The fires of pure passion surging in her eyes, Fuwa leapt from the table to the stoves in a single bound. Gesturing towards the unlit stoves, the overeager cook's grin was filled with madness. "Now, start up these fires! Let the heat of the flames symbolize your burning passion, and light up the world!"

Taking several cautious steps back, Mimura was about to beat a hasty exit when he bumped into something. Turning around, he was faced with Sugaya. Fiery passion was apparently contagious, judging by the way the laid-back artist's eyes were now glimmering. "The stovetop of mortals shall be used to create an immortal artwork! Together, you and I shall create food that rivals even the heavens!" Grasping the stove, he made the fires blaze as high as they could. As much as the fires blazed, they still did not rise as high as the flames of madness did in their eyes.

"Not you too, Sugaya!" Horrified, Mimura made a break for the exit, grabbing the noodle-filled strainer before the kitchen inevitably burned down. Rushing out, he barely made it out of the room before the heat overwhelmed him. Visibly panicked, he yelled a warning at the rest of the group. “Fuwa and Sugaya have gone insane! They’re going to burn down the kitchen!”

Chiba stared at the frantic filmmaker for a few seconds, before turning back to their game of Uno. “Just like normal.”

“Yes, but they’re also going to ruin the tomato sauce!”

Nakamura blinked in shock, then glanced over at the kitchen entrance. Black smoke was now coming out of the doorway. It seemed safe to say that who or whatever was in there was now burnt to a crisp. A small smile betraying her otherwise stoic facade, Hayami stuck out her hand. “Pay up.” Grumbling, Nakamura dropped a hefty stash of yen down onto the table. Satisfied, Hayami placed down a large can of tomato sauce onto the table, disrupting the stack of cards. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

* * *

Not long after Mimura's narrow escape, black smoke erupted out of the kitchen. Barely escaping the foul fumes, both Fuwa and Sugaya narrowly escaped their own disaster site. Luckily, out of the entire kitchen, the only thing that got damaged was Fuwa's pride. Awkwardly dusting off her soot-stained sleeves, the now contrite chef laughed nervously. "Sorry, guys. I guess I got a little carried away."

"These things happen." Chiba shot a glare at Nakamura, or tried to. None of them could quite tell what he was looking at. "Nakamura, could you stop taking photos of Fuwa? She's already learned her lesson."

Indignantly huffing, Nakamura put her phone away. "It's my kitchen that nearly exploded, you know. At least let me have this." Turning her attention away from blackmail, she looked around the dusty kitchen. Nothing has been damaged, but the ferocity of the flames had blasted soot all across the room. Dust had settled on every possible surface, from shelves to countertops and floors. Wiping away the dust with her shoe, Nakamura winced. "This might take a bit to clean up, too." she muttered, in perhaps what was the understatement of the century. 

"Never mind that! How's the sauce?" Okajima shouted, ripping the lid right off. Curious, everyone clustered around the pot, trying to peek inside. Okajima shuddered, repulsed at what he saw within. "Ugh… It's completely ruined. It looks like a red, lumpy mess."

"That's what it's supposed to look like." The fact that it looked completely normal was a surprise in itself, though. By all rights, she should have been looking at a charred mess. Shrugging to herself, Nakamura chose not to question her good luck.

"Well, if it's fine, then it's probably good enough to eat right?" Just to be certain, Sugaya jabbed at the sauce with a ladle. It didn’t disappear like a mirage, much to everyone’s surprise.

"Well…" Nakamura weighed her options. If the sauce was good, then their mission was a success and they’d be finished with the school project.. If it wasn't…  _ Well, at least I'll be able to take some interesting pictures. _ Suppressing the urge to grin maniacally, she shooed them all out of the kitchen. "I'll finish up here. Everyone, just wait outside."

* * *

"I can't wait to finally taste it!" Triumphantly grinning, Okajima impatiently waited for his serving of spaghetti. "After all that effort, I'm ready to eat anything!"

"You cut one onion." Chiba's mouth tilted into an annoyed frown. "You didn't even finish cutting it before running to the living room and crying."

"Hey, give me a break! How was I supposed to know onions were painful?" Okajima tried to defend himself, to no avail. 

"There's something I don't understand, though…" Her detective instincts going off, Fuwa looked directly at Chiba, trying to match eyes. "Why didn't the onions hurt you, too?"

"I have no eyes."

"WHAT?!" In shock, everyone except Hayami stumbled away from Chiba. The moment after that, they immediately rushed him. With an ease born of months of practice, the sniper effortlessly dodged all their attempts to knock the hair off his face.

Sitting calmly on her own chair, Hayami took a sip of water. "Relax, everyone. He's clearly joking…" Suddenly, her own face wrinkled as she tried to remember if she had ever seen past his bangs. No memories came to mind. "Right?"

Suddenly, a tray filled with several plates of noodles was dropped directly onto the table. Each of the plates had a healthy serving of what was presumably spaghetti, as well as a strange metal implement in it. While everyone was busy assaulting Chiba, Nakamura had slipped in completely undetected. "Well, eat up, everyone!"

Picking up the strange tool, Mimura looked at it closely. It seemed to be a miniature trident, with three elongated prongs sticking out. "I think I've seen these in some American Movies before. They called these things forks. I think you have to stab the food with them." Testing his new theory, Mimura experimentally stabbed his fork into the spaghetti, then lifted it. All the noodles pathetically slid off the fork, much to his dismay.

Stifling a laugh, Nakamura gestured to her own bowl. "You also have to twirl the fork so the noodles don't fall off."

"Is it really supposed to be this saucy?" Fuwa had tried to slurp up the spaghetti in the same way as ramen, judging by the stains on both her mouth and her jacket. With both black dust and spaghetti sauce all over her, she looked like an absolute mess.

"Don't worry, you get used to it." Grinning happily, Nakamura snapped a few extra photos of them all, before sliding some extra tissues over to Fuwa. "If you ever go abroad, bring some tissues along. Trust me, they have much messier foods there."

A low voice rose up amidst the chatter. Deep in thought, Chiba had begun doing some sort of mental calculation. "Nakamura, how much spaghetti did we make?"

"Enough for 7 people, duh."

"Don't we need to feed 29 people?"

"Not to mention a starving octopus." Mimura chimed in.

"Oh." Struck by the sudden realization, Nakamura went silent for a few moments. Pursing her lips, she weighed her can of tomato sauce.  _ Certainly not enough for 29 people… _ "Hayami… Did you buy any more of these?"

"No. I didn't think the recipe would use so much tomato sauce."

"Oh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... this took a while, didn't it? I'm still trying to figure out the best way to balance out college and free time, which is why this took a bit. (Hey, the week doesn't end until Saturday 12 PM.)
> 
> So... Group 2. Quite possibly the group we know the least about, given most of their members lacking screen time. That being said, they're still pretty fun to write, mostly because of Fuwa and Nakamura. (A murder mystery Fuwa Fanfic is still up on the list of things I want to write eventually...) (People who have Okajima in your stories... how do you guys do it? I'm genuinely struggling to write him in a way that isn't just perv jokes.)
> 
> One last thing I want to mention: I have no idea if the people of Japan eat spaghetti regularly or not. While I'm assuming not, I wouldn't be that surprised if I was wrong. In which case... sorry about that.


	3. Group 1

“This... by FAR... is the worst shopping trip I've been on." Casually sitting on a bench in an open-air market, Kimura breathed in the scent of freshly picked vegetables. It was a nice scent, and would have been much more pleasant if they hadn't had to bike for a full hour just to get here. Even with their training, the trip here had exhausted him quite badly. 

“What’s so bad about it?” Right beside him, Maehara casually snacked on a packet of raisins. He was just as exhausted as Kimura, but hiding it all under a facade of bravado. Kimura suspected it was just in case he found anybody new to flirt with. 

Thankfully, Kimura was under no such restrictions. Panting heavily, he leaned down on the bench, gasping in the fresh air like it was his last breath. In between pants, he squeezed in words. "Well… For one… we don't exactly exhaust ourselves just to buy some slightly cheaper vegetables." Kimura waved his arm at the infinite roads, stretching out as far as the eye could see. They'd have to travel back down there eventually. Having caught his breath, Kimura pushed himself up to a sitting position. "Isogai didn't even give us a shopping list… Just this stupid piece of paper and directions to this place."

“Huh? Let me see that." Snatching the paper right out of Kimura's hands, Maehara read through the  _ "shopping list". _ All that was written on the paper was a simple sentence:  _ Buy anything that's cheap. _ Grinning, Maehara handed the paper back. "Yeah, that's Isogai. Just buy whatever, it'll be fine."

"Yeah, but don't we have to follow, like… A recipe?"

"Recipes? Isogai doesn't really use recipes."

"Huh? Why's that?"

"Most of the time, he can't afford everything on the recipe list. So he usually improvises a lot." Nonchalantly, Maehara popped another raisin into his mouth. "One time, I caught him crushing up candies so he could use them as powdered sugar."

"That explains why his cookies taste so… Minty." Kimura shuddered slightly. Back then, he thought he had just tasted the world's first toothpaste flavoured cookie. Slightly repulsed, Kimura raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Aren't you weirded out? We could be eating ANYTHING."

"A little bit. But the food tastes good, so I guess I don't mind too much."

"Well, it's a good thing we're the ones doing the shopping." Turning his attention away from Maehara, Kimura swerved his head wildly, taking a quick glance at each of the stalls. "All right. See anything good yet?"

"Nope. I was too busy talking to you." Maehara replied, though his eyes were elsewhere. Following his gaze, the reason was made clear soon enough: A cute vendor had caught his attention. 

"Maehara…" Kimura groaned. He did not travel thousands of miles, straining his body and mind to the very limit, just for Maehara to run off and hunt down the nearest girl he could find. 

"It's not going to take long, promise! I just want to talk for a bit!" 

"Nope. We're grocery shopping NOW." His patience worn thin, Kimura bodily dragged Maehara away, muttering to himself all the while.

* * *

"This is BORING." In stark contrast to Kimura's exhaustion, Okano, along with the rest of Group 1, had been doing absolutely nothing for the past two hours. As per their agreement, Kimura and Maehara would go pick up their groceries, leaving the rest of them to twiddle their thumbs until they came back. "Why didn't we all go to this special marketplace? It sure would have been much more interesting than just twiddling our thumbs here."

"We've gone over this, Okano. We only have two bikes: Mine and Isogai's. And as fast as you are, you certainly can't run with them for that long a trip." Calmly poised on a nearby chair, Kataoka rolled her eyes in annoyance. They had gone over this line of reasoning several times in a row now, to no avail. Taking a deep breath, she responded as calmly as ever. "If you're so bored, why not join Isogai and the others in studying?" Kataoka pointed at the cluster of friends in the corner, all studying for another test coming up.

"Nah, that's even more boring." Crossing her arms yet again, Okano began to twiddle her thumbs once more. "Looks like we're gonna be here forever, after all. Knowing Maehara, he's probably ditched us all to go on a date with some random girl."

"Hey, don't I get any respect? I thought we were better friends than that, Okano." In suave fashion, Maehara slid into the room, one hand clutching a plastic bag. "Sorry we're late. We ran into… Complications."

Kimura's entrance was much less impressive, mostly consisting of him dropping his bags on the nearest table before collapsing on the foot of the couch. Sweat running down his face, Kimura gasped out his words once more. "We would… have come back sooner… if you didn't… flirt with that farmer girl back there…"

"Hey, I didn't go out with her right then and there, did I?" Maehara began to defend himself, but the frosty glares emanating from all the girls shut him down quickly. Before any of them could pelt him with Anti-Sensei pellets, he quickly switched topics. "So, Isogai!" He yelled, beats of nervous sweat running down his forehead. "Don't you want to know what we brought back?"

Isogai blinked in shock at this sudden turn of events. "Sure, go ahead." 

Relieved that the distraction worked, Maehara pulled the groceries out of a now-dozing Kimura's hands. Clearing his throat for attention, he began pulling out the food items one by one, narrating as he went. "Well, we've got some discounted lettuce, some half-priced half-sized chicken, a bag of bruised tomatoes they were going to throw out, some cans of milk 3 days away from expiration, packets of uncrushed black pepper and rock salt, a bottle of off-brand olive oil and a romantic chocolate ba- Wait, that's mine." Maehara quickly stuffed the chocolate into his own bag, much to the annoyance of most of the girls there.

Stacked together, it was debatable if the foods they had bought could even be counted as edible, let alone ingredients. Based on how flies had already begun to swarm the miserable pile, it certainly didn't seem appetizing.  _ Maybe the stomach-ache it'll give Koro-Sensei will give us enough time to kill him… _ Even Kurahashi, their fountain of positivity, seemed skeptical of the groceries the duo had brought back. "You can make something out of this… Right?"

"Maybe…" In complete contrast to everyone's trepidation, Isogai seemed to have fallen deep in thought. Pondering the choices before him, Isogai's brow furrowed, his eyes narrowing. Suddenly, face lit up with inspiration, Isogai snapped his fingers. "All right, I've got it. Let's begin by defrosting the chicken and crushing the salt and pepper."

* * *

If there was one word Yada could have used to describe the situation, it would have been the word "bad". True, it wasn't the flashiest word, but at least it was well-tested and simple at heart. The same could not be said for their dish, which was rapidly approaching levels of complexity Yada couldn't comprehend. She had tried to keep a mental record of the steps they were taking, but she lost count about the time Isogai had asked her to grill tomato chunks in a pan for whatever reason. Or perhaps it was the time she had to run outside and pick leaves off some special shrub Isogai apparently kept in his backyard.

Now, she was looming over a sizzling pan of chicken, hand clutching a pinch of those herbs. "Isogai, how much of… this should I sprinkle?"

" _ Thyme _ , Yada. And just use how much you think the dish needs!" Isogai replied distractedly, most of his attention focused on the black peppers he was mashing into powder.

Ever the reliable friend, Kataoka materialized right over her shoulder. Taking a pinch of the thyme, she sprinkled it right over the sizzling food. "Just a pinchful should do… I think." Frowning, she pursed her lips in thought. "It's hard when we're basing it off instinct alone…"

Yada nodded. This would have been much more simple if there was a plan or some guidelines they could follow.  _ Come to think of it… Maybe Isogai has a plan and we don't know it? Or maybe some tips? _ It certainly wouldn't hurt to ask. "Isogai, is there a rule of thumb for this?"

"Huh?" Isogai's attention was still wholly focused on his mortar and pestle. One little pepper had managed to evade all his strikes, but not for much longer. "Don't worry about it too much. Sometimes the rules are only suggestions." Isogai spoke offhandedly, then froze as the meaning of those words struck him. Everybody stared at him in shock, the once bustling kitchen stupefied at Isogai's declaration. "In cooking, in cooking!"

"We hear you loud and clear, class rep." Kimura grinned wildly, a thousand new opportunities rushing through his mind.

"Wait… Didn't Isogai almost get in trouble for working as a student?" Turning her attention away from the sizzling chicken, Yada voiced the first thing on her mind.

"Yeah, that's right! Rule-Breaker Isogai… Who would have guessed?" Kurahashi grinned as well, eager to poke fun at their perfect captain. 

"Hey, relax!" Grinning heartily, Maehara slapped Isogai across the back hard, nearly toppling over the mortar and pestle. "Trust me, a little rule-breaking's good for your image. Isn't a hidden wild side cool?"

"It's not like I wanted to… I didn't have a choice." Isogai's antennae drooped, his expression turning dull. 

Sensing that they had crossed a line, Maehara changed track so fast that everybody got whiplash. "Hey, we get it. Family comes first, no matter what rules say otherwise. I get it, they get it, even Kataoka gets it, and she's the biggest rules stickler I've…" Maehara's encouraging speech died in his throat as he felt an evil presence glaring holes into him. "I'll stop talking now."

"Good." Withdrawing her icy glare, Kataoka turned her attention to her fellow class representative. "He's right, though. We all know you don't break the rules for fun, but because you need to. After all, you're an Ikemen through and through."

"Thanks, everyone…" Scratching his head, Isogai looked somewhat bashful, a first for him. Before anyone could comment, however, his expression quickly turned serious. "Guys… Do you smell something burning?"

"Yada, the chicken!" Kurahashi shouted, eyes wide with panic. 

"Oh, no!" They had been so engrossed in this little drama that almost all of them had forgotten their tasks, with disastrous results for the chicken on the stove.

* * *

"Well, here it is. Slightly burnt chicken slathered with olive oil, then garnished and sauteed." With a flourish, Maehara lifted the lid off the plate, revealing their long-awaited meal. It looked as if it had been ripped right out of a gourmet menu, sparkling effects and all. Despite the fact that they were the ones who had prepared it, most of the group was shocked at how nice the food looked. Still, the ever-present memory of the groceries brought some hesitation among them. Staring down at the sparking dish, Kurahashi wondered if it tasted as good as it looked. "Does it have a name?"

"We should taste it first. No sense giving it a good name if it tastes horrible, right?" Truth be told, that was just an excuse. The aroma of the chicken had been teasing them for the longest time now, and their stomachs were grumbling.

Swiftly, the dish was doled out into seven bite-sized servings. In unspoken agreement, they left the largest portion just for Isogai: Partly out of respect, partly out of the fear of food poisoning. Without hesitation, Maehara was the first to try it, greedily digging into his bowl. Kataoka followed suit at a slightly more dignified, but still ravenous pace. Encouraged by their boldness, the rest of the group took their first bites as well.

"So, how does it taste?" Isogai asked, waiting for his guests to finish. Whether this was out of politeness or fear, even he didn't quite know. 

Thankfully, his fears were completely unfounded. "This… doesn't taste bad." Confusion manifesting itself, Kimura stared down at his bowl, trying to comprehend how such terrible ingredients had turned into this new delicacy.

With a smug look on his face, Maehara elbowed Kimura gently. "So, are you a believer in Chef Isogai now?"

Kimura nodded blankly, obviously starstruck by the new taste. All around the room, everyone else was stunned as well, a new tingling sensation ringing on their tongues. The only two people unaffected were Maehara and Kataoka, both of them having grown used to his cooking skills. Sighing in relief, Isogai relaxed, pleased at how things were going. "That's a relief… 

"Huh? Why so?" Picking off the last scraps of rice on his plate, Maehara turned to face Isogai. 

"I don't usually use meat in my recipes. Vegetables are cheaper, and easier to grow as well." The chef scratched his head awkwardly. Truthfully, using the chicken at all was a major gamble, as the meat was completely unfamiliar to him. Nobody was offering frozen chicken in festival awards, after all.

"Well, at least everything turned out fine!" 

"Yes, you're right." Wiping off some specks of olive oil from her mouth, Kataoka looked over at the messy kitchen. For a few moments, she frowned, as if trying to recall something long forgotten. "Did anyone write down the recipe we used for this?"

"Uh…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took a while. Partially because of school, partially because of laziness, but mostly because I've got another story idea I REALLY want to try immediately after this one. I spent some of my free time drafting that, so this one got delayed a bit. (Don't worry, I'll finish this one first before posting anything new! I'm just making excuses on why this was late.)
> 
> To be honest, Group 1's the most difficult for me to write, mostly because I'm lukewarm towards most of their cast. I know a lot of talented writers out there get a lot of stories out of Maehara and Isogai alone, but they've never interested me quite as much as Terasaka or Kayano. That being said, I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out! It's not perfect by a long shot, but I think it works well enough. Thank goodness Terasaka and his crew are up next: They're always great fun to write!


	4. Group 3

Gazes unflinching, two rivals stood proudly under the golden lights. All around them was a battlefield, cold iron lying dormant in solitude. Gradually, as if a spell was cast on the slumbering field, fires began to rise up, but their heat did not touch the two warriors. Unsheathing his spatula, Muramatsu grinned confidently at his rival. "This is it, Hara. No more running away. We're settling this, once and for all."

"Running away?" Cocking an eager smirk, Hara likewise wielded a frying pan, clutching it like an instrument of war. Theirs had been a confrontation long delayed, constantly hampered by her own attempts to maintain peace. But now that they had finally been grouped together in Home Economics, a clash was inevitable. And if she was forced to fight… She would at least fight to win. "Not anymore. Prepare to lose."

All around them, the stovetops blazed even higher, rising towards a climax. Masterfully twirling his spatula, he pointed it towards his rival. It glimmered gold in the firelight, light shining off it's stainless steel. " _ Kishishishi _ . Words are worthless, when it comes to the culinary arts. Only our stovetops can decide the ultimate victor!"

"Then let's settle this, chef versus chef." Tying her bandanna back firmly, Hara cast down her pan on the stovetops, issuing the first challenge. "Takuya Muramatsu, I challenge you to a cook-off." All of fate had led to this moment. This would be the ultimate clas-

"YO, Muramatsu!" Abruptly, the kitchen door was kicked open. Completely oblivious to the ensuing clash, the entire gang swaggered into the kitchen. With a jovial wave of his hand, Terasaka completely shattered the room's atmosphere. "Sorry we're late, traffic held us up."

"So, what're we cooking?" Hands on his hips, Yoshida cracked a grin.

Their final clash would not be deterred so easily, however. With no hesitation, Muramatsu put his secret stratagem into motion. "Listen up…" Dropping his voice into a secretive whisper, Muramatsu motioned for them all to come closer. All of them came closer, though Itona and Hazama still kept barely within whisper's reach. "Long ago, my father taught me a very special recipe for a special spice. This spice has been handed down by my family for generations upon generations…"

"Wait, doesn't your family specialize in ramen?" Takebayashi frowned, recalling the advertisements plastered all over the front of Muramatsu's house.

"Er… It's a special spice." Muramatsu ad-libbed, thankful that his bandana was covering the nervous sweat on his face. Was it just him, or was the room suddenly much hotter? "There is a very special mushroom that grows only in the mountains. If we are to create the special spice, we will need the special mushroom."

"And you want us to go get it." Itona's glare was piercing. Muramatsu couldn't tell if it was because he suspected something or if his gaze was like that normally.

"Yes." Muramatsu nodded briskly.

"Right now." Hazama crossed her arms, raising a singular eyebrow. She definitely suspected something.

"Yes." Nervously, Muramatsu tugged on the collar of his shirt. The room had definitely gotten hotter.

"Even though we just got here." Yoshida groaned, shooting an exasperated look at Muramatsu.

"It's not far! It's just a quick nature trek!" They didn't need long. All it would take was an hour or two.

Terasaka stared at the chef for a few more moments. Then, with a long suffering sigh, he turned to leave. "All right. Come on, gang, we're off on a mountain trip." 

Muramatsu blinked in confusion.  _ It actually worked? _ Before he could start celebrating, though, he needed to finish the job. Suppressing the urge to celebrate, he quickly ushered the gang out of the house, practically shoving them out the front door. "Bye! Have fun out there!" Grinning in triumph, he watched as the four figures shrunk into the horizon.  _ Wait, four? _

"Convenient for them not to sell the mushroom at grocery stores." Muramatsu felt a violent chill run down his spine. Panicking, he twirled around, coming face to face with the darkness of Class 3-E. Her smile grew wide as she saw him pale: She had struck the mark perfectly. "This mushroom doesn't actually exist, does it?"

"Well… Er… You see…" Muramatsu's shoulders drooped: He knew he was caught. "I just needed to get them out of the way for a while. Me and Hara finally have a chance to settle who's the better chef! Please, give us the chance…" Muramatsu knew things were desperate when he had to plead to Hazama's good side, of all things.  _ It's all over... _

To his surprise, Hazama didn't immediately shut him down. Instead, she stared at him for a few moments, the smallest hint of a smirk on her face. "Not bad, for your first attempt. Maybe you've got some cunning, after all."

"Thanks. My dad pulled that trick on me, back when I was younger."

"I take it back." Turning back, Hazama walked off to the living room. "I won't be needed for this… thing you're doing, right?"

"No. This is between me and her. No interference." His spatula shimmered in the sunlight. The final battle was so close now.

"Good. I'll be reading in the living room."

* * *

Wearily gasping for air, Terasaka marched up the endless slope into the infinite forest. Muramatsu's "quick nature trek" was shaping up to be less of a trek and more of a cross-country marathon.  _ At least Marathons give water at the end of them... _

His legs finally giving way, Terasaka dropped down onto a tree root. The rest of the gang followed suit, dropping down onto anything that vaguely looked flat and non-pointy. Breathing heavily, Terasaka took a moment to appraise his surroundings. The forest trail continued on every onwards, eventually disappearing under the haze of dark green. Light was sparse, with only the occasional sunbeam reaching the forest floor. 

Finally, Takebayashi broke the silence. Wiping the steam from his glasses with a spare cloth, he was also panting somewhat heavily. "So, we're here now. Should we start foraging?"

Hefting himself back into a sitting position, Yoshida exhaled, wiping the sweat off his brow. "Yeah, let's get this over wi-" Suddenly, his eyes narrowed, as if he just remembered something important. "Wait a minute… He never told us what the mushroom was supposed to look like!"

"We're gonna have to walk all the way back…" All as one, everybody stared at the forest trail. The beginning of the path had long faded out of view, covered by foliage and low hanging vines. 

Suddenly, a loud sound startled them all. Slamming his fist into his palm, Terasaka rose back up, a scowl on his face. "You know what? Screw that! I'm not travelling all the way back just for a picture of a mushroom!" Grandly sweeping his arms out, Terasaka gestured to the endless expanse of the forest. "We've got an entire forest right here! Let's just grab a few mushrooms and go!"

Taking carefully measured breaths, Itona perched himself on a mossy boulder. His gaze was piercing, and somehow conveyed both amusement and exasperation. "That doesn't sound like a good idea."

Dusting off the seat of his pants, Terasaka waved a dismissive hand. "Relax! When have I ever had a bad idea in my entire life?"

"The bombs."

"The pool."

"Letting Itona into the gang."

Itona shrugged. He certainly wasn't denying that. Completely deadpan, he looked Terasaka dead in the eye. "You've blundered your way through mistake after mistake, and you've lived. What's one more?"

"Exactly! Wait…" Terasaka scratched his head in confusion, trying to figure out if that was encouragement or an insult. Deciding it wasn't worth his time, Terasaka surveyed the area."So, what do you guys think good mushrooms look like?"

"What about this one?" Yoshida was hunched over, poking something with the tip of his shoe. Quickly, the foragers clustered around the spot, taking special care not to trample it. Hidden underneath the crevice of old tree roots, a cluster of mushrooms grew. "So. What do you think?"

"Well… It's red. It's got white spots." Terasaka's brilliant intuition served him well: The mushrooms were indeed red, and they indeed had white spots. Picking a sample off the ground, Terasaka peered at it more carefully. "It's definitely a mushroom."

"Brilliant observation. You're a real detective." Itona's tone was so sarcastic, they could almost hear the fake applause.

Deep in contemplative thought, Yoshida had fallen quiet. "Well, fruits like mangoes, watermelons, and strawberries are brightly colored, right? So if it's colorful, it must be safe to eat!" He shrugged, obviously unsure of his answer.

"Not necessarily." Takebayashi's eyeglasses glinted brightly, despite the fact that they were in a dim forest with little sunlight. "Aposematism is a defense mechanism in various organisms, where brightly tinted colorings indicate a number of residual toxins inside, lethal to those foolish enough to ingest it."

"Speak words we can all understand, science man!"

"Brightly colored things can be poisonous. We don't actually know."

"So, it's either the perfect seasoning, the one thing Muramatsu needs to make the ramen perfect…" Terasaka grimaced, his hand still clutching the mystery mushroom. "Or it's poisonous and could kill us all."

"Well… It's not like we haven't been poisoned before…"

"No. We're not going through all that again. I had my hands full, even with Okuda's help." Takebayashi glowered from behind his glasses, a pointed glare aimed directly at Yoshida. "You vomited on me twice, you don't get to say anything."

"Well, how else are we supposed to know if it's safe to ea-" A silver blur swept past Terasaka. Snatching the mushroom out of his hand, Itona held it in his hand for a brief moment. Then, before anybody could even react, he popped it straight into his mouth. A full minute passed in horrified silence, as everyone stared at their insane classmate.

"What?" Itona shrugged, chewing his mushroom carefully. "Koro-Sensei and I are both antimatter experiments. If he can eat tissues, then I shouldn't have any problem with mushroo..." A greenish tinge had spread across his face, which contrasted poorly with how pale his face was. Itona gently lay himself down on some tree roots, clutching his stomach. "Maybe not…"

The stunned silence persisted for approximately half a second more, right before everybody started screaming and panicking. "WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

"I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T THINK HE'D JUST EAT IT!"

"TAKEBAYASHI, HOW DO WE CURE HIM?!"

"I DON'T KNOW, OKUDA'S THE POISONS EXPERT!"

"Call Koro-Sensei, right now!" Terasaka yelled, propping the poor boy into a sitting position. Itona had been reduced to muffled groaning, and he looked awfully green. Hands fumbling nervously, Takebayashi made the call.

"Nyufufu… What is it-"

"KORO-SENSEI! Itona's been poisoned!"

"NYUAA?! Hold on, dear children! I'll be there!" Suddenly, a blast of sunlight shone on the ground as Koro-Sensei ripped a hole straight through the canopy. With the onset of a roaring gale, Koro-Sensei materialized in the middle of the forest, scattering leaves and twigs all across the tree roots. Clutched in each of his many tentacles was a first aid kit. Yellow droplets indicating his panic, Koro-sensei swerved wildly around the area. "Where is he?!"

"Right here, sir."

"How did this happen?" A million thoughts were rushing through him, all of them incredibly worried. "Was it assassins? Government agents? Did you even see them?"

"He…" Terasaka paused for a moment, wondering how his life had gotten to the point where assassins were easier to explain than whatever was going on right now. "He ate a wild mushroom."

Koro-Sensei's face turned blank white. "Wait right here." Koro-Sensei vanished for a split second. Almost instantly, he rematerialized, scattering leaves once again. That signature grin in his face was wide once more, indicating that everything was fine. "Good news, dear children! The mushroom Itona ate was not poisonous! Known as the Fly Agaric Mushroom, it's well known for causing stomach cramps when eaten."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Terasaka nudged Itona gently. "Hear that, Itona? You're gonna be fine."

"Mmph…" Itona made no response, unless groaning in pain counted as one.

"Incidentally… Was there a reason Itona decided to eat wild mushrooms?" Koro-Sensei fixed all three of them with a curious stare, his smile unwavering. "You weren't peer pressuring him, were you? Remember, children, I will tolerate no bullying in my classroom!"

_ He's fine with assassinations, but draws the line at bullying?  _ The three of them glanced at each other, each waiting for the other two to speak. Finally, as the unofficial leader of their gang, Terasaka gave his answer.. "We were arguing about if these mushrooms were safe to eat. Itona got tired of us arguing, and just swallowed the mushrooms to test them."

"Hm, I see." Picking another one of the polkadotted mushrooms off the forest floor. He carefully studied it for a little bit, then dropped it into his own mouth. "Chewy… A bit tangy…" As he chewed on it, Koro-Sensei's skin began to shift hues, like a kaleidoscope. It was similar to his reaction to the poisons, but far more subdued. Eventually, it settled on a red polkadot pattern, similar to the mushroom he had just eaten. "These mushrooms taste fantastic! All you need to enjoy them is a stomach made entirely of anti-matter, or else they will give you severe stomach cramps!"

_ Is he serious right now?  _ Even after all the time spent in his class, Koro-Sensei could still find ways to completely flabbergast his students. Shaking his head in disbelief, Terasaka turned his attention away from his strange teacher. Having calmed down, Talebayashi was finishing the last of his vital checks on Itona. Satisfied, he stood back up, signalling to his teacher. "Koro-Sensei, we should get Itona back to Muramatsu's. We don't want the stomach cramps to get any worse."

" _ Nyua? _ Right, right!" Ever so gently, Koro-Sensei picked up the sick boy. Neatly packing Itona into his teacher's robes, the octopus prepared for take off. "You three should come back, too. We'll be waiting for you back there."

"Wait! Can't you take us with you?"

"Well… You all are quite big and heavy… And as I've told you all, I'm not that physically strong." Koro-Sensei rubbed the back of his head with a spare tentacle, looking significantly more awkward. "Not to worry! Your months of assassins' training will serve you well on your trip back down!" And with that, Koro-Sensei vanished, leaving behind three weary students.

"Damned octopus…"

* * *

It had been a long day for Hazama. First, Terasaka had forcibly recruited her the night before, despite the fact that she had no idea how cooking worked. Then half the gang had promptly rushed off on a wild goose chase, leaving only three of them around. At which point Muramatsu and Hara commenced their long awaited duel, leaving Hazama alone in the living room with nothing but free time and an anthology of HP Lovecraft's stories.

In short, everything had gone perfectly up until Koro-Sensei arrived. His appearance was sudden, coming through an open window at speeds undetectable to the human eye. Before Hazama had even registered what was going on, he had tucked Itona into a couch, draped a blanket over him, set an electric fan close, and even poured him a glass of water. Unfortunately, his departure hadn't nearly been as quick, judging from the fact that he was still here. Koro-Sensei had refused to leave until he was sure that Itona was in safe hands, which left him looking for something to do. He had first tried to interfere with the sacred duel, but several pots and pans being flung at him quickly changed his mind. Unfortunately, all that left for him to do was annoy Hazama. Right now, he was peeking over her shoulder, trying to read her book. " _ Nyuu… _ I think I would make a good Cthulhu. I already have the tentacles, too!"

"You're already driving me to insanity." Hazama continued flipping through the book, ignoring the tentacle creature peeking over her shoulder. Without warning, the door creaked, and three sets of footsteps plodded in. Hazama didn't deign to look up. "So, you three finally arrived."

A muffled thump off to the side indicated Terasaka's collapse on a couch. "Yeah. Didn't find any of Muramatsu's mushrooms, either."

"I guessed." Her gaze still fixed on her book, Hazama pointed off in Itona's general direction. The boy had begun to snore gently, sleeping off the worst of the cramps. "Somehow, this isn't even the worst that's happened." 

"Enough about that! Are we too late to help with the cooking?" Two heavy steps on the floor. Yoshida must have stood up again, likely about to fling his exhausted self into the kitchen to help.

"You can try. But I wouldn't get in between those two for now." She could still hear the roaring flames in the kitchen, byproducts of fierce combat. "Koro-Sensei still has the dent in his head from the frying pan. It's a shame we left our guns at school."

"So… That's it, then? This entire day was completely pointless?" Takebayashi sighed, his voice weak and tired. 

"Correct." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. So this chapter got delayed pretty badly, with two whole days lost. I'll make no excuses: I really did just get lazy for a bit. As a bit of recompense, this chapter's slightly larger than usual, so enjoy! (Next chapter should wrap this story up, so stay tuned.)
> 
> Group 3, or the Terasaka Gang, is still one my favorite groups in AC as a whole. Terasaka's character arc was fantastic, Itona was a great antagonist, and the rest of them were some of the most memorable secondary characters the series has ever had! It's just a shame I don't get too many ideas for them, because writing for this group is always a great time! 
> 
> Side note: I'm a bit torn on what I want to do after this fanfic. On the one hand, I've got an idea for another long runner story, featuring ALL the students after the 7-year timeskip along with two OCs. But I know people don't read OC stories too often, so I'm still lukewarm about it. On the other hand, there's a Karmanami one-shot I'm thinking of writing as well... Decisions, decisions. I'll figure it out as I go along (or in a week, ideally.)


	5. Conclusion

The day of reckoning arrived at last, much to Nagisa’s extreme annoyance. He had been rudely reminded of it just this morning, as a massive blob crash-landed right outside his front gate. Koro-Sensei, dressed in his painfully unnatural principal’s costume, dusted himself off, arms bending in ways no human should ever try. He was here to pick up the sugar stew, so his poor students wouldn’t have to bring it up the mountain by themselves. Furitively handing him the pot, Nagisa shooed him off before anybody noticed the strange flexible principal. Truth be told, Nagisa was glad to be rid of the stew. One bowl had nearly killed him, never mind an entire pot.

The trip to the school was eerily quiet. Nagisa met none of his classmates on the daily commute, nor did he see anybody on the mountain trail's path. All the while, he became aware of a growing uneasiness within him. Entering cautiously, Nagisa was greeted with manifold stares, as each eye in the room turned to face him. Over the schoolroom, a great tension loomed in the air, like the final leg of a long-anticipated race. But that wasn't the thing that had caught Nagisa's attention. Instead, he stared at the overly decorated walls, the garish golden letters that spelled out  _ COOKING COMPETITION _ in all caps. Most of all, he stared at the new appearance of his tentacled teacher. The crazed teacher had traded out his principal’s outfit for an even worse disguise as a gameshow host. One tentacle wrapped around a microphone, he pointed at the latecomer. "Nyuhuhu… Everybody, give a big round of applause to the final member of Group 4! An unlikely group of friends, will their team be able to claim the title of champions this day?!"

The poor boy was completely bewildered. Absentmindedly taking in the sights of the game show classroom, he trundled off towards his group’s table. In lieu of the usual set up, everyone sat behind a long table, with the accursed pot of stew set right in front of them all. Taking the last empty seat, Nagisa muttered to himself in confusion. "I knew he was excited, but I didn't think he'd go this far… It looks like we’re in an actual gameshow."

"I know, right? These set pieces are really high quality!" Curiously, Kayano took the table's fabric into her hands. It felt smooth, rich in texture. "Where did he even get these?"

"Same place he got the octopus-sized dogsuit and the 25 empty dictionary sized books. At some point, you stop questioning it." In contrast to Nagisa’s confusion and Kayano’s wonder, Karma was bored out of his mind. The usual mischievous shimmer in his eyes had been replaced by a dull unpolished gleam. Dully, he watched as Okuda peeked into the stew. "The plan's still on?" Carefully, almost nervously, Okuda set the lid back down on the pot. With her free hand, she gave Karma a big thumbs up. Even as distracted as he was now, it was still painfully obvious those two were up to something. Before Nagisa could question either of them, the deadly noise of a microphone shriek filled the room.

Wielding as many microphones as he had tentacles, Koro-Sensei warped to Group 1's table with phenomenal speed. The rest of the groups had a similar set-up to theirs, except that instead of a massive ugly iron pot, all the other groups got an elegant cloche to hide their food. "And now, Group 1! What can you tell us about your creation?"

"Well, we've prepared a unique, one of a kind, and extremely special culinary masterpiece just for you!" To absolutely nobody’s surprise, Yada was the first one to speak. As Bitch-Sensei's star protege, she was the group's go-to whenever they needed to present anything. With a smile, she lifted the silver veil, revealing what looked to be the world’s smallest breast of chicken. "Created with… unique ingredients from the farthest mountains, this Sauteed Chicken has proven itself to be one of Chef Isogai's finest creations yet!"

"Nyuhuhuhu… Excellent presentation skills, Yada. Miss Jelavic must be proud! Now, as for the rest of you... Can you tell me what went into the making of this?" No obvious change appeared on Koro-Sensei's face, yet the whole class felt as if he had begun to listen intently.

Much to Nagisa's surprise, the entire group fell into thoughtful silence. Eyebrows furrowed, Maehara spoke hesitantly, as if he himself wasn’t sure of his answer. "Well… I think we sauteed it at some point."

"We cut some tomatoes in half."

"Isogai definitely crushed some peppers first."

"Weren't those breath mints?"

"No, those were for the brownies a while back."

“How about the oil? Did we use that?”

“Yes… No? Maybe?”

All the rapid fire speaking had only served to confuse their listener, judging from the bewildered expression on his face. Rapping his tentacles on the table, the game show host brought everyone’s attention back to himself. "You can figure out the recipe later. For now however, it’s time for the taste test!” Mouth drooling visibly, the hungry octopus approached his ill-gotten prey. Showing remarkable restraint, Koro-Sensei didn't just gulp down the whole plate in one go. Instead, plucking the tiniest morsel out from the plate, he quickly dropped it into his mouth. Chewing slowly, he nodded in appreciation. "The style is certainly unique. It seems that you all chose to improvise, correct?"

"No, sir. We made it up as we went along." 

"Good, good. Remember, unpredictability is the lifeblood of any assassination! Being able to surprise your adversaries is one of the ways an assassin can claim victory, after all! You all did remarkably well in this, so I give you all a 90%!" Koro-Sensei tried to applaud, but his tentacles couldn't manage to produce the right sound. Instead, he made a funny squelch noise every time his tentacles collided with each other, much to everyone's amusement. Stifling back a giggle, Nagisa jotted down another weakness.  _ Can’t perform the Nekodamashi. _

Skin turning an embarrassed red, Koro-Sensei immediately hid the offending tentacles behind his back. Panicking, he rushed off to the next group to take everyone's attention off him. "Now, everyone, let's take a look at our next contestants' preparations!" And with absolutely no dramatic flair, he ripped off the cloche. Nagisa didn't recognize the food. From this distance, it looked like a bowl of red sauce. Koro-Sensei seemed interested enough, however. "Hm… I can see you didn't limit yourselves to Japanese cuisine only! Could you describe what we're looking at?"

"It's saucy noodles. They're foreign." Hayami deadpanned, in perhaps what was the world's worst sales pitch.

Shoving Hayami out of the way, Fuwa snatched the microphone into her own hands. "Foreign, but filled with fiery passion! We put all our hearts and souls into this food, so there's no way we're losing this!" 

"Actually, I think you and Sugaya were the only ones-"

"NO WAY WE'RE LOSING THIS." Like a battle-hardened warrior eager for their next conquest, Fuwa immediately singled out the toughest enemies in the room. "You hear me, Group 3?! You're going down!"

" _ Kishishi. _ We'd like to see you try." And in perfect contrast to Fuwa's shonen protagonist act, Muramatsu crossed his arms like the overconfident rival. Nagisa had to admit, he could almost believe they had just stepped into a shonen anime. Muramatsu and Hara were by far the best cooks in their class, and the rest of their group were also specialists in Home Economics. There was practically no chance of anybody else beating them.  _ Wait a minute… Who decided these groupings were fair?! _

Never one to make things simple, Koro-Sensei began to start commentating with gusto. "It seems the atmosphere's heating up! But as we all know, there can be only one winner! So with that, let's get to the tasting!" Without further ado, Koro-Sensei stuck a fork into the bowl, then tried to pull it out. It lifted, revealing nothing but sauce. Digging even deeper, he twirled his fork to reveal the flooded noodles underneath. He stared at his fork curiously, then dropped the whole thing into his mouth. "I can tell a lot of passion went into this. However, remember not to be too overzealous! Too much of anything is bad, especially when it comes to spaghetti sauce!" Koro-Sensei prodded the bowl, the noodles having sunk back into the endless red abyss again. "Because of this, I will give you all a grade of… 93!" 

"All right!" Most of Group 2 cheered, but Fuwa didn’t seem satisfied. Shaking her head, she aimed a glare at Muramatsu’s group. The battle wasn’t decided yet.

"And now, for the crowd favourites, give a big round of applause for Group 3!” Everyone applauded politely, unsure of which crowd he was talking about and why they were playing favourites. As per usual, though, Koro-Sensei wasn’t volunteering any answers. Suddenly, a massive gust of wind blew through the room. Taking advantage of his speed, Koro-Sensei warped directly in front of Terasaka, sticking his microphone just in front of the startled teen. “Chef Terasaka, what can you say about your group’s ramen?”

"Whu?" Startled by the sudden question, Terasaka nearly dropped off his chair. Feeling the stares of the entire class, he began to sweat nervously. "Well... it's… Uh…" His brain fizzled out. Throwing his hands up in frustration, Terasaka gave up not long after. "Damn it all… You know I didn't do much! You were there!"

"Nyu… Just as I feared." Shaking his head in reprimand, Koro-Sensei looked at the two chefs suspiciously. "Muramatsu, Hara… Did you two do the project yourselves?"

"Sensei, there's a good explanation…" Hara began to speak, but she was quickly interrupted. 

"Never mind that! For now, it's time to taste your ramen!" Eagerly, he took out a small serving of the ramen, then gulped it down. "Your cooking is impressive as always. However, you must always remember to listen to those around you, no matter how skilled you are compared to them. This is a lesson I wish I had learned much earlier in life…" Almost imperceptibly, Koro-Sensei deflated slightly, the edge of his smile fading away. Just as quickly as the moment had come, it passed away in the blink of an eye. With a mischievous smile, Koro-Sensei passed his verdict. "Normally, I'd give your dish top marks. However, as only two of you actually contributed to the project, I'll have to deduct points. Your score is… 92!"

"What?! That's only one point away from victory!" Falling to his knees in utmost despair, Muramatsu overdramatically slammed his fist on the ground. Hara looked equally as glum. Fuwa's triumphant cheers only seemed to drive more salt into the wound.

"Nyuhuhu… Don't start celebrating just yet! We still have one more team to visit!" Hearing these words, Nagisa tensed up: He knew his group was next. Before he could start panicking, Koro-Sensei had already warped to their table with frightening speed. One tentacle curled around the iron lid, stalling for maximum dramatic effect. "Now, what do we have h-"

_ BOOM! _

A violent explosion shook the room, scattering dust all across the classroom. Koro-Sensei's head was suddenly enveloped in a blaze of fire and light, but he remained standing. Nagisa swung his head around wildly, his ears ringing after the sudden explosion. No sudden intruders had entered… Which meant the bomb must have come from one of their own. Quickly, he turned to face his own groupmates. "What just happened?"

The smoke cleared, revealing a relatively unharmed Koro-Sensei. The explosion hadn't been powerful enough to actually harm him, but instead gave him a comical dent on his head. Groaning in disappointment, Sugino slammed his face on the table. “So close…” Seeing the confusion on Nagisa’s face, Sugino facepalmed, groaning like he forgot something. "Oh, right, we forgot to tell you! Your pot was the first food to arrive here, so while Koro-Sensei was busy picking up the rest of the projects, we decided to strap some grenades and wire to the pot. Once he pulled it up, then BOOM!" He grinned for a bit, but it quickly faded away. “At least, that was the plan…”

Ever the schemer, Karma explained his would-be masterplan. "I got the idea from Kayano's pudding killsplosion plan. The soupy smell masked the scent of C4, making it easier to get him close enough for a point-blank detonation. Since he was the one who carried it up here as well, he wouldn't expect anything from it.”

Dusting the soot particles off his face, Koro-Sensei quickly regenerated the missing chunk of his head. "Nyu… Not a bad attempt. However, the liquids must have seeped into the explosive, dampening the explosive power. If it were at full power, I might have been in trouble! Because of this, I give you a 100 on the assassination attempt... and a 75 on the food." The tentacle creature shivered, face contorting slightly. "I tasted the flecks as they were scattered by the explosion. Far too much sugar."  _ Even Koro-Sensei doesn't like it… _ Nagisa thought in disappointment, remembering that his teacher willingly ate fried tissues. 

His group’s reactions were certainly… interesting, to say the least. Kayano looked shocked, almost offended by the idea there was such a thing as too much sugar. Okuda and Kanzaki looked resigned to their grades. Nagisa couldn’t quite blame them, even he would have failed their creation. Karma seemed more disappointed his plan failed than in his grade. Most baffling of all, Sugino seemed rather content. “Well… even if we barely passed Home Economics, at least we got a perfect score in assassination!”

"S-Should we tell him that we aren't graded on assassinations?" Okuda asked nervously.

"Maybe later. Let him have his fun for now." Suddenly, a furrow appeared on Nagisa’s forehead. Out of the blue, a strange question had appeared before him. “Wait… Karma, how long did it take you to set up those explosives?”

“3 minutes? 5, at most.”

_ 3 minutes? It shouldn’t have taken him that long to pick up all the food… What could have delayed him? _

* * *

Bonus Scene:

_ Earlier that morning… _

A blank silence permeated the atmosphere. It was a fickle silence, swiftly shattered by the occasion sound of a yell, or of a car passing by. Nevertheless, it was a silence Itona Horibe appreciated. Lying in bed, there wasn’t much else he could do but appreciate it. Experimentally, he tried to lift his left arm. It felt heavy, like somebody had strapped weights on it. The poison from the mushroom had left eventually, but his strength had not returned yet. With a groan, he dropped it back down on the bed.

Suddenly, a gale of wind rushed through his bedroom, a familiar gale. Itona knew exactly what the gale meant. Willing his arm to move once more, he reached for his anti-sensei gun. Before he could grab it, though, it had suddenly transmogrified into a warm thermos. Laughing his signiature laugh, Koro-Sensei appeared in his room, apparently entering through the window. “ _ Nyuhuhuhu… _ Your poor teacher comes in late just to visit his sick student, and the first thing you do is try to shoot me?  _ Nyu… _ I’m saddened.”

“You’re my target… not my teacher.” Itona pulled himself into a sitting position, then took a sip of the thermos. It was Muramatsu’s ramen, or at least it’s broth. 

“Until you’ve eliminated me, I am both your target and your teacher. Don’t forget that!” And with that, he vanished once more, leaving nothing but a gentle breeze and warm sunlight from the opened window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... Sorry this took so long. I'll be honest: I really just wasn't feeling up to it for a while. School interfered, of course, but I just really couldn't find the words for a long while. Even now I'm still not completely satisfied with my work, but I think it's pretty unfair to keep this away too long. Sorry if this isn't up to my usual standards, I'm in a bit of a rut right now.
> 
> Now that this is done... I think I'll stick to writing one-shots for now, or at least until I've hashed out the details for the next big story I want to do. It's a shame, because I really want to write that story, but I've still got a while to go before I even consider posting the 1st chapter... With that being said, this story's over now! I hope you enjoyed it, even with my ramblings! Feel free to check out my other works, if you're interested.
> 
> (Side note: Apparently it was Okuda's birthday today, and I had no idea. I would have probably written something for that if I had noticed earlier, but alas. Next one-shot is maybe gonna focus on her, so keep an eye out for that.)

**Author's Note:**

> Heya. After the last thing I wrote, I decided to do something more lighthearted. I know I said that about GTYN as well, but this time, I'm absolutely sure it's going to remain 100% lighthearted! Yeah... totally.
> 
> Anyways, since college is now fully underway, instead of the 4-5 day upload schedule, I'm going to have to slow down to once a week. I make no promises, however, so bear with me.
> 
> Next up: Group 2 tries something unique.


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